Monday, October 17, 2011

'Jump (me)', She Said

The Federal Aviation Administration, wielding the truncheon of its air safety mandate, is investigating a porn star and an office receptionist for jumping one another on video while jumping one another from an airplane over the clear California skies. In this radical reinterpretation of "air traffic control," mid-air sexual congress initiated in a light plane may now trump the FAA's broader, more traditional and more costly congressional mandate to insure the safety of large commercial airline traffic.

 "Where, exactly?"

Alex Torres, a French Canadian porn star who goes by the nom de pecquer "Voodoo" and who (until the other day) moonlighted at Skydive Taft as a weekend jump instructor, took off with Taft receptionist Hope Howell for a tandem jump. Evidently the pair were accompanied out the bomb bay and into the empyrean by a videographer, who caught the in-cabin commencement, the in-flight consummation and the post-landing cigarette. (The only other "French Canadian porn star" would be Michael Palin doing the "Lumberjack Song.")

The video went viral until Torres removed it from the Internet, quickly realizing that media saturation could weaken any leverage he might have with "The Howard Stern Show," which was the apparent motive for doing the thing in the first place. (Howard: you can watch it uncensored right here.)

Probably for having attracted FAA scrutiny, Torres was dismissed from his employment, as was Howell who, clearly oblivious of any double entendre in the expression of her sentiments, told a reporter that she "got a phone call saying I was fired, and I feel like that was a stab in my back." I suppose she could have said, though only slightly more felicitously, that she felt let down.

Another blogger has remarked that, "The FAA’s reported involvement is based on the fact that any activity that could potentially distract the plane’s pilot is off-limits. No criminal charges are pending, and there is no suggestion that the pilot actually was distracted."

Arguably, a porn star who can't distract a pilot whilst in flagrante delicto may be on a descending career arc in more than one sense. On the other hand, those pilots have seen pretty much everything.

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