Sunday, January 29, 2012

'Espresso a Bordo, Cazzo!'

Press reports noted that after coming ashore, [Francesco Schettino, captain of the Costa Concordia] took a taxi to a hotel, where he asked the manager for an espresso and a pair of dry socks.    -   Harper’s Magazine, “Findings,” Jan. 24, 2012

Scusi, signor, bongiorno. Per favore. Ay wander might Ay speak to your duce? Ah, good, you are manager. OK, so as you see, Ah'm a leedle wet, had bad morning, pretty bad, all this afternoon.

Ah'm wander, cood you maybe borrow me a dry socks - naw, naw, grazie, shirt ees OK, I got it from a sheeps captain who was himselve a leedle wet. Just a dry socks is good to me. Ah, per favore, maybe una tazza d'espresso? with maybe jost a droppa sambucca? Ah, grazie. 

Naw, naw,  Ah'm fine, no problems. Was out in my boat jost off de coast feeshin' whan ouda nowhere come big sheep rollin half in, half ouda wadder, pipple jomping off sides, screaming, yelling, Ah'm try to get ouda da way. Too late ees captain swim op to my boat and he's climb in. Naw, I say to heem, I gotta full boat now, can't take any more on board. But captain, he don't listen he climb on board.

So now what Ah'm to do? Ah'm start my engine motor over to shore and drop off boatload pipples, go back for more. Many times I pick up drop off pipples from big sheep. Captain he say to me Ah'm hero, he come back out to sheep in mah boat, he say to me here take dis shirt from offa my back, you hero you. Then he go climb onto big sheeps again to save pipples. Ah'm not seeing him again, think maybe he's drowned for good. Ah, well, requiescat in pace, like da padre say.

At'sa nice socks - leetle anchors on them. Maybe un espresso corto, per la strada? Sambucca? grazie.
                 In Memoriam - Francesco Schettino        

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